put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
