dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
