End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
