He kissed a someone with a penis
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
