Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
