you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
