You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We are two peas in an std pod
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
