def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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