Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
