It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
