Your face is a jimmy john
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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