I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
