you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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