i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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