He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
