I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
