even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
