I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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