I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
