i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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