Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
