as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
