On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
