I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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