seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
