Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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