If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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