Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
