I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
