he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
