her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
