apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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