just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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