So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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