You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
