mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
