This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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