i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
