I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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