the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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