Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
