tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
