I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
