Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
