Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
