He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
