My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Everyone says I win the strip club
Randomize
