I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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