This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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