i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
