your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I'm really busy with my period
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