Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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