I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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